What I really want

What I really want

Is hidden in the mist

What would really make me happy?

Don’t know if this exists

Change can be so scary

Decisions are my weakness

What if I would regret them?

That’s why I feel so helpless

I was so unsure about giving you up

But for some time it was okay

Now I’m missing you so much

Longing for you every day

Are you my happy drug?

Holding onto the thought of you

In the hope you could make me happy

And sure I could make you happy, too

But I know that you don’t want it

Because now I “belong” to someone new

Although I don’t want to “belong” to anyone

That’s why I’m making you both blue

What is this life all about?

It’s not my fucking little job behind fences

And not about conforming to arbitrary rules

In fear of the consequences

I cannot take it any longer

I want to break free

Want to break the rules

But will it make me happy?

(22.11.17)

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