Monsters

You may not understand but I do. I understand it’s hard to listen to my pleads for peace. I understand it’s hard to console me every time I cry about this life. I understand it’s hard to watch me destroying myself. 

But that’s your damn job. It’s your job to make me feel safe. It’s your job to make me feel loved and help me overcome this sad excuse of a good childhood. That’s your damn job. 
After all, it’s you who created me. You created the monsters that keep me awake at night. It’s you who destroyed the beautiful memories I had. It’s you who’s voice echoes in my head silencing every will of life. It’s you who made me like this. 

And yet I’m sitting here trying to understand why you cannot give me the love you should. 
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m just not my sister. Maybe it’s because I can’t live up to your expectations. Maybe it’s because I caused you so much trouble so early in my life. And maybe it’s just because it’s me. I don’t know the answer. And they shouldn’t matter to me and yet they do. 

I have no words left to say, no tears left to cry. I won’t try anymore, it’s just not worth it. I’m not the only monster out there. They rule the world - the monsters inside us.

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