The Mysterious Game of Chess

I went to the shop and what did I find
a game of chess of the weirdest kind
it had squares in all sizes that did boggle the mind
but oh utmost peculiar
was the King who could fool ya
into thinking, because of his costume so clean
that he was the Queen.
This board thus was a master of sexy distraction
and I bought it for monthly wage's tiny fraction
Oh, this was the bee's bollocks! I thought, yes, the dog's knees!
T'was the first game of chess that could gender-wise tease
But alas! when I got home the King had redressed
he was masculine as a beard-stretching contest
and I wondered at this and another thing for quite some time
Oh yes! T'was the next rhyme.
I then went and raided my daughter's room
found her Barbie doll's daughter beside a dust broom
didn't think it would cause too much crying or gloom
so her dress I submitted
to the King, and it fitted!
But alas once again!, as I celebrated my victorious bluff,
he threw it back off.
This board was beginning to emancipate
so I had to keep distance and live with my fate
that I could in fact no longer touch it just for a game
not a sole finger's jolt
or even a glimpse of the eye, they would take down my name
and sue me for sexual assault.
So I went to a car boot sale & what did I do
I sold it
to you.
 

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